The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives: Traditional Values or Red Flags?
Doomsday or Fri-yay: A Cultural Study of Hulu's The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives
TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains topics of domestic violence and religious trauma.
Swingers, soda, and slander, oh my! Hulu’s The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives follows the lives of eight young mothers who consider themselves Mormon wives (or ex-wives in some of their cases). Showcasing the modernization of Mormonism in Utah, the show is an absolute trainwreck from start to finish. Yes, they without a doubt achieved the drama we wholeheartedly expected, but I found myself disturbed by some of the beliefs, contradictions, and values all in the name of traditional religious practices.
I’ll be honest. I only started this show because it was aggressively trending everywhere I looked. Friends were watching it and TikTok was talking about it, so I needed to see what all the hype was about. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would run into a loaded conversation of swinger scandals, domestic violence arrests, mean-girl tactics, and toxic masculinity. But here I am doing my best to process it.
If you are unfamiliar with these women like I was before the show, they are famous for their TikTok dance videos that have gone viral. Since their rise to stardom, these women have since been tokened the breadwinners of their families and found their stride earning comfortable livings on social media through their branding of #MomTok, a platform catered toward Mormon mothers to challenge the traditional roles of women in the eyes of the church while still holding on to the foundational moral compass of it. They’ve created a community, something to praise for sure.
But it’s not all sunshine and sodas (a common beverage as the Mormon church prohibits alcohol, hot tea and coffee, and tobacco). These women live highly complicated lives, and many of them have suffered religious traumas and emotional abuse. What we see is a study of women placed together in hopes of creating a supportive environment for Mormon women through their transparency, but there’s a lot of ugliness that stems from it too.
Many of these women married at the age of 17 or 18, with children immediately after. These women are my age and the families they’ve built aren’t something I could even picture having until my thirties. It’s their tradition; it’s what they’ve been raised to believe and have grown to know.
I’m not here to challenge the Mormon faith, or any faith for that matter, but to start the conversation about when traditional religious values are manipulated into oppression and violence. Using a faith base to uphold dangerous behavior is something people have debated for centuries. What moral compass we choose to believe in is a personal, and sometimes familial, decision. But where does it cross the line and jeopardize a person’s safety in body and mind?
If you’ve watched the show, I’m specifically referencing the relationship between #MomTok influencer, Jen Affleck, and her husband, Zac Affleck. In the show, Jen repeatedly dismisses Zac’s questionable behavior as his traditional Mormon values, but she very clearly suffers from an emotional abuser. Tensions escalate when Jen goes on a girl’s trip to Las Vegas (which Zac insists on attending) and one of the women surprises everyone with tickets to Chippendale’s as a joke. Jen chooses not to attend the show after Zac threatens Jen with a divorce and questions her “character.” After leaving Jen in tears with his extensive and brutal text messaging, Zac proceeds to go out on the town to gamble with her money until 2 am, which is considered a taboo in the Mormon Church. Not only are we confronted with a frustrating double standard, but a concern that Jen is suffering under Zac’s controlling behavior that is scapegoated as his traditional Mormon values.
So when is it appropriate and necessary to intervene in another’s romantic relationship, particularly a friend’s? The other women are vocal about Zac’s controlling behavior, something I found to be extremely refreshing. Although traditional gender roles are common in their faith, they recognize the need to protect Jen and try their best to convince her she doesn't have to tolerate his abuse to be devout to her religion. It’s admirable for Jen to want to work on her marriage and to be loyal to a faith she believes in, but there comes a time when pain doesn’t have to be a catalyst for change. Certain behaviors should never be hidden behind the guise of religious values.
When addressing Zac’s controlling behavior, the women were a united front. However, this wasn’t always the case. A toxic division based on religious beliefs separated the women between those who were looser in their practices and those who were more devout. Soon, the women dubbed themselves as part of the “sinners” or the “saints.” Although many practice Mormonism on a spectrum, taking or leaving what works for their lives and what they believe is necessary, many others practice an “all or nothing “ mentality that can do more harm than good. This religious divide was instigated by one of the women who manipulated another to disinvite four of the women to her baby’s blessing because they weren’t “Mormon enough.”
The “all or nothing” approach can be a slippery slope. Often, it is used in tandem with manipulative practices that end in self-sabotage and severed relationships. Manipulation and close-mindedness have no place in any faith base and using religious practices to justify one’s prejudices and destruction is outdated.
WHAT’S NEXT: What’s happening in the SLIGHTLY SOUR Universe?
Fiction Pairs Well with Feminine Rage (FPWWFR): Frankenstein by Mary Shelley is our October pick (and our first-ever book club pick)! Each month we will read a novel written by a woman. We’ll learn about the author, the inspiration, and the content’s commentary on our society. Read along and find out!
Marvel’s Agatha All Along just premiered on Disney+ this week (first episode available September 18th). So here is my plead. Dear Marvel Cinematic Universe, do not fail me. I love Aubrey Plaza too much to be disappointed. (Watch the trailer here)
New Suki Waterhouse album, Memoir of a Sparklemuffin, released on September 13th. If you need me, I will be shouting her lyrics from the rooftop (really a second-level apartment deck but you get the idea). (Listen to the album here)
XOXO and desperately in need of sweater weather,
Kat